Written during the height of the Covid pandemic in May 2020, this poem was written at a dull yet excruciating time for everyone. I personally was processing and recovering from a 5-year relationship that involved a lot of toxicity, unhealthy patterns and coping mechanisms that I was only just beginning to unlearn and mend from. Evolving from this (or at least trying to) at the peak of a period of social closure, isolation and despondency, this piece is about entrapment being both a mental and physical reality. Abandoning my vegetarian values for the sake of group harmony in a meat-eating household was the least of my problems.
Why does everyone want me to eat meat so bad
Why do I so casually say "death is sweet" when I feel a little sad
I want to eat the moon and the stars but the farther I go into space
The more trapped I feel behind these crooked bars
I welcome sleep with bitter disdain
But the same thoughts play over and over on my brain
Im drained.
I cant tell if this is pain
Or if I'm just broken
But someone had to be
Out of you and I
We didn't know it but we chose me
Nauseous
Cautious
What is written cant be undone
But I don't know whose holding the pen
Or their intentions
Or if this is a game and
I'm just having no fun
Is this really for me
Is this what is supposed to be
Choose life, they said
But I don't know what that is anymore.
I feel like its been closed,
The door.
When can I leave?
Where would I go?