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Chewing Tar

I want it but no,

I don't

Still want it knowing always it chokes

An intrusive bubble inside my oesophagus Cloys my neural dilemmas

Initiating the emptiest of tremors inside my distant body

And I

I romanticise the feeling

The aches that taste quite nice

The aches that temper my sticky vitals as they start congealing 

The aches that melt like crystallised honey infusing my psionic membrane 

A simmering bid of wounding disguised as soulful desire

My own dirty little habit I keep refusing

To shake, evade or retire

Because something so nauseating and ugly makes me feel at home in my body

Whilst it sets itself on fire

Self inflicting these soured splinters entice me to reminisce on past sprains 

Times bred by bland breadcrumbs

And yet I stayed feeding on their ephemeral banquets of nothingness

So deeply entangled by an absence palpable enough to deafen my dialogue

Always I succumb to playing with the toy that is my train of thought

The potent muscle bearing the biggest threat

Still I have tried washing out the stubborn stain

The one that tugs on my comfort in grief

Driving my poor mind insane

But patience is not my best virtue

And time it does take to readjust my balancing scale

So inevitably I may crumble

Or turn toward familiar disdain

Barricaded in I try slipping out

Withdrawing from my own steel guard penitentiary of shame

But deeply ingrained she is in my subatomic vein

Effervescing within a microcosmic growing bed of pain and no gain

Fighting still, my body sieges

As a mind stays poised

Articulated well enough to punch more soaking wet sandbags that materialise from the woken dream

All the while my blue skin pines for a delicious bite

As she chews her favourite flavoured tar

Coming undone

Seam by seam

But I’m so tired of dissolving in these lanes

And this entire sordid relay

Always passing the immortal baton whilst effortlessly steadying the reigns

Like a broken bloody record

Thought this mediocre dragon had already been slain

Meanwhile I toss and turn under this transcendental sleep spell

Until the flicker flames out

And the dilution hypnosis sees another drought 

Self-proclaimed revenant

Seedling of some sort

Once again

I shall sprout


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