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Tapping on the Glass

Searching externally for validity is really starting to get to me

Finding myself is a feeling I can't let go of

But then a twinkling slight of a counterfeit knight becomes so tempting

Looks so illustrious, so healing

When it looks shiny and pleasing it's so much more than appealing

And it may take me some time

Maybe a fall or two before I realise its another lesson in love handed straight down from the divine

Reminding me to love myself more than I did before

Remembering I should stop exploring outside myself

if peace and serenity is not brimming at my core

I'm whole on my own, everything else is a blessing

I know this now, I've already learned this lesson

So why does it feel so good to be teased by wicked temptation

But when I slip and get swallowed up by regression

It got me feeling exposed in a hell hole of depression

Except, surely it can’t be that bad because my heart is still mine

It's in my possession

Saying what I think and thinking what I feel becomes its own form of self-care and expression

Yet I remain motionless, disassociating in this lonely state of being

Recognition in my chest and I start to remember, finally begin seeing

Why I am this way

I was just a little girl when the object of abandonment

planted the seeds of foreplay

Generational patterns buried deep in muddied veins was the price I had to pay

Neglect crippled and cradled the framework of culture that continues to shape me to this day

Incremental issues of leaving wounds

and tear-ducking tunes

Soaking up remnants of an unworthy feeling that all-consumes

Thinking the numbness was acceptance over time

When really it was building the glass shattering fine line

of feeling incomplete and completely restless

Watching the clock tick by

Feeling the salty bitter spite of rejection that I can’t deny

Chasing ghosts who couldn't see through the pain they press against my lungs as I long deep and sigh

Reassessing and reassuring myself that now I'm in the drivers seat,

self-awareness is keeping me sane.

But the aching doesn't just dissolve or go away

It remains and sometimes begins to drain

the life and love and all of my progression

starts to melt, burn and bubble inside my soft heart

Slowly filling it with synthetic resin

But I never wanted to become stuck in space and time

Whilst the earth decays and haemorrhages me in my prime

Keeping me stiff and locked up as if I'm the one who’s committed a crime


I still beat heavy and loud

and idolise the sour indiscretion

of an unripened acid puckering lime

hydrating my unfazed thirsty tongue

Through a habitual transcendant ascension

I'm whole on my own and everything else is a blessing

So no cheating on this test, Ive already learnt the lesson

Irregardless of my newfound education

What I can appreciate still and forever now know is the sweetest combination

of pain and pleasure from handing out pieces

of your unbridled sleeve-worn heart

Eventually becoming a rehabilitating liberating celebration

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